Deborah Tannen

Conversational Style Differences Can Be Mistaken for Character Flaws

Georgetown linguist Deborah Tannen argues that many conflicts in relationships and workplaces arise not from bad intent but from differences in conversational style. A pause, overlapping speech, a question, advice, eye contact or an indirect request can be read as rudeness, indifference or control when it was meant as attention, care or collaboration. Her remedy is to distinguish observable behavior from the motive assigned to it, then discuss what each person meant and needed.